do you think communication is an easy thing? as we talk, as we listen, as we observe, as we opinion, as we touch, as we react, as we moves, as we gesture, as we sign, as we smile and as we do many things to communicate.
it is not such a simple thing but complicated yet it involve not only listening but understanding and proper responding.
for one of the most used common thing we do in communication is talking, but talking too much does not mean we communicate well, does not mean our message is delivered well, does not mean other people understand about it.
in our social life, we communicate pretty much connected and sometime with the best friend of ours when we thought we have a really good chemistry and know them really well. we still have a clash or misunderstanding. its normal, as we learn, we grow.
two interest things, there are still room for improvement in our communication and we are always learning about them through-out our life.
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it a matter of our heart.
as we speak what we thought, we speak what we feel.
the good man brings out the good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (Luke 6:45)
sometimes anger bring us down, put us in a situation we do not want to commit but we did.
for most of our time, we still learn about anger management, learning to control our thought because we love people around us, we want them to know our opinions but in the same time we do not want to hurt them.
we are who we are for most of the time, not when we have an anger, because we are influenced by awful situation and it build up our defensive shield to protect us from disappointment.
for lips are merely the messenger of our heart. it flows what inside us. though our upbringing and personality are the factor. if our word are selfish and loving. it is because we are selfish and loving.
as christian, we can changed by seeking God’s help and with holy spirit working in us can help us to will and act according to His purpose.
invite the holy spirit to change our hearts, our speech will be characterised by love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
ear is the most important tool. we learn to grow in our listening, grow in our understanding. but for the most of important one is to listen carefully and get what they are trying to say, the underlying concern of the message.
as we always know that we were given two ear to listen more than we speak, and what we are going to say next is pretty important.
beside, listening is an expression of humility and concern for other. we learn to care of what they feel and think and not just assume that we already know.
good communication need an effort. for both have to be willing working together to have a clear communication. it something that we all have to work it out and planned. it should be casual and relax and natural part in relationship.
and no conflict does not equal good communication. we should not avoid conflict but how we could walk through it, learn about to resolve it in a way that best for both.
with the guideline from God and asking His help in solving the conflict humbly and lovingly. so we could honour God in a way we are doing it.
few tips from the book which i guess could help us to understand more about the art of communication.
a. expressing feeling without accusing. we learn and control out wording to be more about our feeling without trying to blame and accuse the other one. being it is their faults.
b. choose word, expressions and tone of voice that are kind and gentle. every time when we want to speak our opinions, trying to be calm and choose the tone, word that was not pointing-sharp and expression that respect other.
c. do not distort, stretch out the truth. we have a tendencies to add more things inside one simple things which actually become so complicated and untruth because of the distortion we added.
d. give actual and specific example. what was actually happening relate to the example that appropriate.
e. commit our selves to seek the solution instead of just to airing our grievance.
every problem has a solution to be right, as it is arise from one reason too. committing our selves to solve it will bring a mutual understanding for both. preventing unsolved thing to be told again in a future.
f. refuse to indulge in bitterness, anger, withdrawal or argument. conflict happen is normal and being mad or have bitterness about it is a normal thing. what is point is that we should not indulge, stay in bitterness and enjoy doing it.
In your anger do not sin“: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, (Ephesians 4:26 NIV)
g. do not hesitate to acknowledge your mistake and failure and be quick to forgive other. be mature and admit the mistake we did if it is ours and learn to forgive someone quickly.
i was struggling in this later part, before you know it was so hurt. it hard to forgive at first and it takes years for me for forgive when finally i met the person. i feel nothing really i should mad at. i thought if only i met earlier it would be better.
h. keep asking when you do not understand and get the mutual understanding. as simple as you want to get the idea of the messages that is delivering to you.
i. train our mouth and heart until we can say the right thing at the right time in the right way for the right reason.
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motive is more important than technique. we have the right motive in the way we speak, thinking of pleasing God. He wants definitely that we have a sincere love, serve other, to build up, encourage and benefit them.
but only what is helpful for building other up according to their needs, that is may benefit those who listen. (Ephesians 4:29)
and pray that every time we speak, we could speak with the right motive.
need to guard.
guard our selves for do not promise something that we do not have in relationship yet. sometime such a level of confident is so high. it could bring both of you to forget about present moment and imagine too much the possibility of unknown future.
we have to be very careful that the words we say and the way we say them do not communicate more than we mean.
be courageous.
a honest answer is like a kiss on the lips (proverbs 24:26)
it is sometime we are afraid to let people see what we are, being our selves, honest and authentic about what our own opinion.
summary from the book that i am reading, written by Joshua Harris
Chimi Kyo 